god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
