census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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