sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
