And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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