When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
