My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
