I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize
