My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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