Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
