You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
