I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
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