..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
