fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
i out mim tonsoeep
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