How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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