Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Randomize
