reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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