Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
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