I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
where are you?
Hypothermia
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
