Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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