you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
My dick has a subreddit
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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