Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
