So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
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