im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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