I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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