He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Randomize
