Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
