the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
