Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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