you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
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