Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
