I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
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