I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
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