i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
