whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
