Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
