Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
