Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
Randomize
