i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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