just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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