hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
