I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Randomize
