Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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