I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
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