Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
