wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
