A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
