I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
Randomize
