Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
