I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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