you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
Randomize