Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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