he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
