Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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