i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
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