Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize