It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
