census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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