I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
