It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
