Have you finally orgasmed yet?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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