I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
