butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
