I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
i came on her dog
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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