Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
