??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
